reckless maturity

The Good Samaritan: Being a Neighbor

2011-04-30T01:09:00.000-07:00

"And behold, a certain lawyer stood up and tested Him, saying, 'Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?' He said to him, 'What is written in the law? What is your reading of it?'

So he answered and said, 'You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.'

And He said to him, 'You have answered rightly; do this and you will live.'

But he, wanting to justify himself, said to Jesus, 'And who is my neighbor?'

Then Jesus answered and said: 'A certain man went down fro Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among thieves, who stripped him of his clothing, wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead. Now by chance a certain priest came down that road. And when he saw him, he passed by on the other side. Likewise a Levite, when he arrived at the place, came and looked, and passed by on the other side.

But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was. And when he saw him, he had compassion. So he went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine; and he set him on his own animal, brought him to an inn, and took care of him. On the next day, when he departed, he took out two denarii, gave them to the innkeeper, and said to him, Take care of him; and whatever more you spend, when I come again, I will repay you.

So which of these three do you think was neighbor to him who fell among the thieves?'

And he said, 'He who showed mercy on him.' Then Jesus said to him, 'Go and do likewise.'"

Luke 10,25-37

When I heard this passage being preached on by our pastor a few weeks ago I couldn't stop thinking about the words 'passed by on the other side' and 'came where he was'.

Our pastor gave a great sermon on this passage but I think there is a powerful truth in these short phrases which we tend to neglect when we read this passage.

In churches and as Christians there is always the pitfall of acting the same way and to walk on the 'other side of the road'.

We live in an age/society of complacency and tend to be ruled by it even in churches.

Even answering machines often have a message like 'please try again later' or 'you can also reach me under ...', we often expect people to come to us, to come with their problems for help, to come to church to be ministered to, to try again later if the line is taken right now or one is unavailable at the moment.

The man that had fallen under the thieves was half dead, we read. He didn't have the strength to change sides and to meet the Priest and the Levite on the other side of the road. And I am sure they were busy getting somewhere, in a hurry maybe even.

How often do we see need but we are in too much of a hurry, or are busy, caught up in our own lives, struggles, worries, or we just expect people to come to us if they have problems?

Not so the Samaritan. He went to where the hurting man was!

I am sure that the Samaritan hadn't planned that in a few hours or so he would be helping a man that would be injured on the side of the road, when he had gotten up that morning.

But still, he didn't walk to the other side of the road, he didn't expect the hurting man to come to him but became the neighbor to the broken, as we read later on in the story.

I don't believe that this Samaritan is a metaphor for Jesus in this story but still, he is displaying Christ like behavior in the situation that he is facing.

Jesus also came to this earth; God didn't expect us to come to him as He knew that we couldn't do it out of our own strength because we are bound by sin and death. So He came to us, met us where we are, in our weakness, in our pain and devastation.

In Luke 5,29-32 we read: "Then Livi gave Him a great feast in his own house. And there were a great number of tax collectors and others who sat down with them. And their scribes and the Pharisees complained against His disciples, saying, 'Why do You eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?'

Jesus answered and said to them, 'Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.'"

Jesus came to us, to you and to me. He left his throne in heaven and became human to meet us at our level, in our needs, hurts and problems. In the midst of this Jesus came to bring healing, forgiveness and to offer eternal life.

Let us as Christians and churches not make the same mistake as the Priest and Levite in the story who kept to themselves, walking on the other side of the road, maybe even changing to the other side of the road when seeing the hurting man lying there.

There are so many people who don't have the strength, energy, possibility, time or courage to come to us, to come to church to be ministered to, but they are 'lying' everywhere out there on the streets, hurting, wounded, helpless and hopeless.

Jesus challenges us to BE a neighbor, as he is asking the scribe: "So which of these three do you think was neighbor to him who fell among the thieves?"

Let us meet people where they are, if at our working place, at university, at school, maybe even on the streets, in the shopping centres, ..., they are out there, waiting for help, waiting for healing and deliverance from their sin.

Some people come to church but most people never will. Let us not treat them as non-existent and let us not be led by complacency.

Instead of leaving them with a message of 'we are currently unavailable, please try again later' or 'our office is open Mondays to Fridays, 8-4, ...' let us get out of our routine, out of our comfort zone, and into our cars, onto our bikes, feet or whatever and meet them and their needs wherever they are!

If you are one of those people, reaching for the lost wherever you can find them, you are blessed as you are displaying great maturity and Christ-like behavior.

Thoughts on Church and Ministry

2010-03-30T23:56:00.000-07:00

It is sad and disturbing to see how many people have been hurt by church or by pastors and have been turned off Christianity or church services.

First of all I think it is important to notice that this is necessary as we are all human.

It will be impossible for you to find a perfect church or to find a perfect pastor. Be happy with finding a church or pastor who know that they aren’t perfect. J

The next step is to ask yourself if you have turned people off Christianity or church by your behaviour. By bad things that you have done, by stupid things that you have sad, or maybe just by good things that you haven’t done although you should have.

I think the point I am trying to make is clear: No one of us is perfect and we all fail to represent Christ or Christianity, as we ought to.

The only difference is that Pastors and Churches are public personalities, institutions so when they fail it is more obvious and open.

Yet we cannot only look at ourselves to find a solution for these problems. I think we ought to look at churches and ministers, too.

I do believe with all of my heart that we are committing a great mistake in how we often build our churches and church staff.

We send people to Bible Colleges for 3-5 years where they get trained in ministry and some other important things regarding church leadership and pastoral care, then we decorate them with a certificate, bachelor, master, PHD or other title and tell them that they are ready and prepared to pastor a church, to become full time ministers or simply to instruct others in spiritual matters.

Don’t get me wrong here; I think it can be good to go to Bible College or University and to learn about all those things. But I do think that we give young people a fully wrong impression about spiritual ministry and that we let them underestimate their future job.

Why does James, Jesus’ brother, guided through the Holy Spirit, command us in James 3,1: “Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly.”

And why did Jesus Himself not start His ministry until He was around 30 years of age and after He had been in the desert for 40 days, being tempted by the devil and for sure also seeking God’s face?

Why did Moses take 40 years of being a shepherd in the desert, although he had grown up as a prince of Egypt, to be ready for God’s mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt?

Why did Paul take so many years after Jesus had appeared to him, to start his ministry?

The list is endless!

Every single person that we see in the Bible being used by God had a very special and specific time of preparation for what was to come.

Spiritual ministry and maturity is about knowing God and His heart! It is not about theoretical knowledge, received Bible College training, a certificate or bachelor.

Some of these things might help and we might draw closer to God and get to know Him better by going through a course like that but it cannot and never should be a ticket to spiritual position, power or authority.

If you study any, ANY spiritual leader mentioned in the Bible you will find that none of them was pushing into a position or an office of authority but that God specifically chose and empowered people. He confirmed and attested their calling!

With quite a few He actually had to push them and to convince them that He is with them and will be faithful in equipping them with everything they need for their given ministry/challenge.

Spiritual maturity is about a personal, intimate relationship with God and knowing Him and His will.

We don’t grow by attending church services, visiting as many church meetings as possible and by singing lots of worship songs.

For some of us those things might help and encourage us, as churches are there to build each other up and to help one another to grow more into Christ’s likeness.

Yet no church service, no sermon and no worship song will replace your personal time with God.

If you are interested in serving God with your life and to minister to people, just start wherever God has placed you. Just get to know Him and His heart.

Read your Bible, pray, ask the Holy Spirit to explain things to you and always stay humble. Learn to live relationships, starting with your own family and to be trustworthy, faithful and responsible in everything you do.

Always remember that Jesus was a carpenter for way more years than He actually spent on full time teaching.

Yet because He knew God and His will, His ministry never lacked power, authority and focus.

Please don’t commit the mistake to think that a degree will qualify you for full time ministry. Please take to heart that most full time ministers are not working for Christian Organizations or Churches, but are simply faithful in their jobs and families.

Being on staff at a church will not qualify you for anything and won’t make you a better Christian or a more mature person.

As you know it is often harder to stand up for your beliefs among non-believers than amongst other Christians.

“Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.” 1.Timothy 4,12

If you make this verse your motto, I guarantee you that you will grow spiritually as you cannot achieve any of those things without growing closer to God and getting to know Him better.

Don't rely on the church or on a pastor to feed you spiritually but rely on God. Seek Him on your own accord.

God knows your heart and motivation for everything you do. If you are a pastor or minister, make sure that you have the right motive to glorify God and to encourage people to grow closer to God and don't seek position or attention.

If you are no full time minister yet you feel God has called you, be encouraged! God knows your heart and your gifting, as He is the giver:-), and He will work through you and minister to people no matter where you are at and what you are doing job-wise. Just focus on drawing closer to God and getting to know Him better and be faithful wherever He has placed you.

Be blessed.

maturity at home

2010-03-20T00:39:00.000-07:00

The Christian Model for Husband and Wife

For every (aspiring) husband

Growing up a Christian and being involved into church ministry, I was always looking for a helpful, supportive wife, as so often taught by preachers. A wife that would support me in my future fulltime ministry.

I often heard sentences like: “Make sure that you will find a wife that will support you in your ministry!” or “You need to look for a wife that will go anywhere with you, wherever God has called you.”

These things all sound good and godly. Often pastors or teachers refer back to God creating a HELPER for Adam in Eve and use verses like Ephesians 5,22, where it says that the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church, to justify their point of view. The husband is the leader in the relationship and the wife is created to be the loving, supporting HELPER.

And yes, that is PART of the Biblical truths regarding the relationship between husband and wife, yet it is very, VERY one-sided and narrow minded!

I want to spend some time looking at other scripture references in regards to the relationship between husband and wife, portrayed by the Bible.

If you are afraid that scripture is taken out of context, please feel free to check everything in its given context. For this reason I will give references to every verse used.

Let’s start with often referred to verses from Ephesians 5. I am going to focus in my interpretation on the bold parts:

Ephesians 5,22-33: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.

So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

When we are interpreting this section of the letter to the Ephesians, we often overlook this short, but very powerful and far reaching commandment which is: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, …”

A few things are important to know and to understand so that we can draw worth out of this statement.

1. Jesus, God was the initiator in His relationship with us as His church.

2. Jesus was the one that sacrificed and gave up everything, even His own life.

3. Jesus is the one who put His own will and wishes aside and stepped out of His comfort zone.

4. Jesus takes care of our needs. He nourishes and cherishes us.

5. Jesus love was unconditional at every stage, even when His disciples/church, did not deserve it.

Having a look at Matthew 26,36-46 will help us to understand this a little bit more: Jesus is “exceedingly sorrowful, even to death” and asks His “church”/disciples to stay awake with Him and to pray, yet they fall asleep, not just once and not just twice, but three times. And after the soldiers have come to arrest Him, all his disciples leave him and deny Him. Those are the people / that’s us, the church that Jesus laid down His life for!

“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5,8

6. Jesus first had to FIRST show us love by dying to Himself and for us, His church, until we / His disciples realised His unending, sacrificial, unconditional love, so that we are willing to sacrifice for Him and to “die” for Him. You can see this with His disciples who denied Him at His crucifixion and fled from the scene, yet many of them, after this event and after Christ’s resurrection, were willing to die the death of a martyr.

“In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.” 1. John 4,9-10

Now:

By saying, that we ought to love our wives as Jesus loved the church and laid his own life down for her, it is inclined that we as husbands are the initiators, that we are the ones that sacrifice and put aside our own wishes and dreams for the sake of our wives and step out of our comfort zone. We have to take care of our wives needs, are commanded to nourish and cherish them in practical ways yet also in spiritual terms. We need to love our wives unconditionally, even when they don’t deserve it, when they deny us at times and let us down. We need to die to ourselves and need to lay down our lives for our wives before we can expect them to be willing to sacrifice for us and to love us / respect us back.

SO WAKE UP men, the sacrifice is on our side, not on our wives side!

Of course both parties need to sacrifice in a relationship and we need to find compromises together, but a Christian husband sacrifices for his wife, even, or especially, when she doesn’t deserve it, and lies down his life, own wishes, dreams, sometimes even will, to show love to his wife.

We need to be the initiators!

Another important thing to recognize is that dying for the church was Christ’s ministry here on earth! Being a loving husband is a fulltime ministry!

For Christian ministers and leaders in particular

To those of you husbands who are in fulltime church ministry: What exactly is your God given ministry? What is your fulltime ministry?

I think that the Bible makes it very clear, saying that FAMILIE and especially WIVES are to be prioritised over any church ministry!

If we look in the pastoral letters to see the qualifications for a deacon, elder or bishop/pastor, one of them is: “one who rules his own house well, having his children in submission with all reverence (for if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God?); …” 1. Timothy 3,4-5

Paul made it very clear that the home comes first and that the church comes second, of course all after the personal relationship with God.

If you do not agree, why do you think Paul wrote in 1. Corinthians 7,32-35: “But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord-how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world-how he may please his wife.

There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world-how she may please her husband. And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction.”

Please realize that Paul is stating FACTS. It isn’t anything optional. He doesn’t say that it is a temptation, being married, to care about the things of the world-how he may please his wife. He also doesn’t state that as something optional but as a REALITY.

And the ONLY other given option is this, to stay SINGLE!

It doesn’t say here that being married we have to learn not to think about the world, what our wives pleases and that we need to grow so we only see the need to please God.

Paul states very clearly, inspired by the Holy Spirit, that with being married we enter a Covenant, a RESPONSIBILITY to take care of our wives and to provide for them and to treat them with the same love, care and provision that we experience by Jesus, living and dying for us!

If you are in church ministry, it is very easy to get carried away, knowing that you do God’s will, that you are furthering His kingdom and that you do what God has commanded you to do. And I don’t deny that.

But are you making sure that first of all you love your wife and your kids and that you give them more attention than your congregation?

Remember how harshly Jesus educated and corrected the Pharisees about honouring their parents by rebuking them: “Why do you also transgress the commandment of God because of your tradition? For God commanded, saying, ‘Honor your father and your mother’; and, ‘He who curses father or mother, let him be put to death.’ But you say, ‘Whoever says to his father or mother, ‘Whatever profit you might have received from me is a gift to God’-‘then he need not honor his father or mother.’ Thus you have made the commandment of God of no effect by your traditions. Hypocrites! Well did Isaiah prophesy about you, saying: ‘These people draw near to Me with their mouth, and honor Me with their lips, but their heart is far from Me. And in vain they worship Me, teaching as doctrines the commandments of men.’” Matthew 15,3-9

Let us not commit the same mistake, to live by commandments of men and traditions, rather than by the commandments of the living God!

And yes, as husbands we are the “leaders” in our relationship with our wives. We are the head, as Jesus is the head of the church. But remember what Jesus taught about leadership, how he understood it and lived it out:

“You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and those who are great exercise authority over them. Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant. And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave- just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” Matthew 20,25-28

Summary

Being a husband isn’t an easy, ordinary job, but a fulltime ministry and commitment with God as our witness and perfect example.

Loving our wives means sacrificing for them, taking the initiative, laying down our lives, our egos and putting our interests, wishes and desires aside and giving up on some of them.

Leadership and Headship means Servant hood!

Marriage always exceeds church ministry and NEEDS to be prioritised. This isn’t optional but biblical.

At last: let us learn from all those ministers around us that liked their position, success and “spiritual church ministry”, not paying attention to their wives, blowing up big times, being caught in affairs, divorcing their wives, breaking away from ministry because of personal and relational issues, …, we all know about those stories and for sure it isn’t Gods will that those things happen. And it doesn’t happen all of a sudden but it is a lifestyle with wrong priorities that gives Satan a foothold in a minister’s marriage, while he is blinded by the “ministry” he is doing, not realising that he is about to fall and to burst like a bubble.

Let us always pray and be humble, lest we fall into temptation.

Connecting this to the topic of maturity and recklessness:

I am certain that maturity comes with right priorities, selflessness, servanthood and sacrifice. That is exactly what Jesus taught his disciples, saying that being everyone’s servant and slave will make us great in the kingdom of God.

Where better to start practising that than in our own homes???

I think that it is extremely reckless to act any different and to set wrong priorities and to expect our wives to be our servants and helpers in everything.

Because this attitude shows that there obviously isn’t much thinking and spirituality involved in living like that.

It is immature, impetuous and without due consideration. It is also clearly disregarding the consequence and danger and definitely lacks caution.

What do you think God thinks of us if we treat our wives and families with such little respect and don’t serve them and give them the due consideration that God expects us and commands us to give to them?

We are acting reckless!!

Please think about those things and regard the consequences of your behaviour. Don’t let pride carry you away!

further thoughts on maturity and recklessness

2010-03-19T02:35:00.000-07:00

I spent some time looking up words in an Oxford Reference:

mature: “1 a with fully developed powers of body and mid; adult. b sensible, wise. 2 complete in natural development, ripe. 3 (of thought, intentions, etc.) duly careful and adequate.”

reckless: “disregarding the consequence or danger etc. lacking caution; rash.”

rash: “reckless, impetuous, hasty; acting or done without due consideration.”

Those are all big words we’re talking about here. Not easy to be put into words. And even if put into words, still, what exactly does it mean? What is “fully developed”?

What does it mean to be “duly careful and adequate”?

What is “due consideration”?

I could keep asking question after question, without getting anywhere, just trying to understand, to analyse.

Coming back to my own life and experience:

Was I being mature, sensible, wise, duly careful and adequate, or was I being impetuous, hasty, acting without due consideration?

On the one hand I did count the cost for the move, approximately 5000 Dollars. J

No, but honestly, where is the line? I had thought about everything and evaluated that I would miss my fiancée more than studies, opportunities, family and friends, being known, …

But still, in the society and world we live in, putting studies off for a few years to get married at just 20??? Moving overseas at 19, leaving everyone and everything behind, only taking twice 23kgs plus hand luggage?

Leaving without having a job, or education, or the finances to pay for a wedding or to provide for a wife? Not having English as my first language? The list is endless!

I am sorry for asking that many questions and seemingly not coming up with answers. But exactly that is THE ANSWER!!!!!

Why do we think that we always need to know the answer???

I think often we have too high expectations or just think too highly of ourselves, thinking we’ve got it all together and we know the answer for everything.

If you want to know the answers for many things, just give up, you wont get itJ

If we would have the answers for everything, why would we need God? What would we need help for?

I am certain that even as Christians we often commit the mistake to think that we are living the right way, are making good choices, are living in God’s ways, are having the answers for life, for decisions that need to be made, for questions that other people may have, etc.

To a certain extend we may, but once again, who is going to judge?

I could ask many pastors and full time ministers about them doing the right thing and making good decisions. Most of them would answer me straight back that of course they are doing the right thing, serving God, helping people, keeping God’s commandments, teaching His word, and the list goes on.

What if I asked the ministers back: “What do you think your wife would answer me on my question in regards to you? What would your kids say?”

Please, don’t get me wrong here; I am not trying to bag anyone or a certain group of people. I am not any better!!!

But yes, I do firmly believe that all too often we put our words into God’s mouth!

We say that God told us something, wants us to do something, that we are walking in His ways, …, but are we really, or are we just making decisions on our own accord, asking God to bless them?

I want to take this one step further:

Can we make decisions that are out of God’s will? Yes, certainly we can. If we do anything that breaks His commandments, are not loving God with all our heart, soul and mind and our neighbour as ourselves by what we are doing or deciding, we are definitely not doing God’s will.

But you know what? God is even greater than this!

Remember King David, getting Uriah killed because David himself had committed adultery with Uriah’s wife and she was about to receive a child from him.

Those decisions and actions definitely broke God’s heart and were wrong, against God’s will.

Why is it then that Bathsheba and David’s next child, which didn’t die after birth, is King Solomon from whom we have most of the Proverbs and the Song of Songs as part of the Old Testament?

And why is it, that we find David, Bathsheba and Solomon in Jesus’ genealogy?

I cannot answer those questions, once again. All I can say is that God is greater than our mistakes and that He can bring forth something good, even when we walk outside of His will and make some terrible choices. BUT: the consequences are different. We do have to carry the consequences for our wrongdoing and for the sin we commit, for the wrong choices we make and wrong steps that we take.

Looking back on my own life, there are decisions that I regret; yet I stilled learned from them and God taught me through them. We are not just made up of our strengths and right decisions but also of our mistakes. They make us unique!

No one ever lived the life I do, made the same mistakes, experienced the same things, and made the same choices and decisions. And no one ever will!

Often God even uses our stupidity and mistakes to keep us humble and in need for Him.

Being mature is good and being reckless is necessaryJ

For now I just want to leave things at where they are at with this analysis.

I do think that it is impossible to find the right balance between maturity and recklessness and especially when including God.

I am certain that it is maturity to know that I haven’t got it all together and that I have hundreds of questions that cannot be answered.

I am sure that I live a life of maturity and recklessness and that I am in God’s hands no matter what. So far he has blessed my mature decisions and be gracious and helpful when I have been reckless.

I hope that you share a similar experience and that you can identify with some of the things mentioned and questioned above.

In the coming days I will start to look at some specific topics such as marriage, role of husband and wife, ministry, love and many more and will try to analyse those things with maturity and recklessness in mind.

I will get to talk about spiritual maturity and immaturity. About a good and a bad form of recklessness in regards to those topics.

Feel free to ask questions if you can’t follow my flow of thought or if you disagree.

Thanks for sacrificing your time reading this J

Maturity

2010-03-18T01:42:00.000-07:00

Hi there,

I called this blog reckless maturity because I think it is often hard to define the border between maturity and recklessness. I can at least say that for me personally.

I hear some people say that I am quite mature for my age, whereas others just call me reckless, or stupid:-)

Often I am wondering about how to measure maturity and how to label people, people’s lives and experiences. I think all too often we want answers for questions that cannot be answered, explanations for things that cannot be explained and want to understand the unfathomable.

I mean how complex are we as human beings? Just the human body in itself is way too complex for us to grasp.

How much harder is it to actually understand a human being, to understand what is going on inside a person and what is motivating people to do certain things, to act a certain way, to make choices a certain way, ...

Sharing a bit of my own experience: I grew up in a Christian family, knowing Jesus and building a personal relationship with Him.

I was very involved in a big church, finished school quite successfully, was very close to my family and had a vibrant social life, I might just say everything seemed perfect, promising and very comfortable.

After finishing school I had lots of opportunities and was planning out my future in my head, the course I would study, the German city I would move to, the amount of church involvement and many other things.

But suddenly my plans started to collapse when I got to know this lovable 10 months older, Christian Australian girl named Monica. I met her on myspace through a common friend and a few innocent emails quickly turned into more.

We started building a close connection and relationship via sharing our thoughts and feelings through emails and phone conversations. We quickly fell in love with each other, without ever meeting face to face.

7 months later we finally met and Monica got to spend 3 weeks with my family and me. I took the first chance to propose to her, only 1 week after finally meeting in person.

But now what???

I was engaged to a wonderful “stranger” from overseas, planning to marry a girl I on the one hand knew farley well, yet on the other hand I hardly had gotten to know yet.

And not just that, one of us had to move countries, or we had to meet somewhere in the middle.

Very soon it became clear to me that I was going to make the move and to pursue my love.

With the knowledge that God would be with me and that He is neither bound to geographical, nor to cultural borders, I started to plan my move overseas, not knowing anyone in my new to be home apart from my fiancée.

Time went by slowly, being separated from Monica and trying to get a visa, which I got miraculously easy.

Deep inside I had wanted adventure, independence and to live my own life for quite a while and here was my chance, maybe my only chance.

Looking back I can say that I didn’t have the slightest idea what to expect and I think that this was a good thing! :-)

The day arrived that I had been waiting for, for almost 3 months and somehow for my whole life.

I was finally getting my adventure, my experience of life; I was going to see my fiancée again, to get to know my in-laws and to live my own, independent life.

Aged 19, without any studies backing me up, apart form finishing High School with a good enter score, it was time for me to say good-bye.

It was time to say good-bye to my parents, to my 5 siblings, to my friends, church, opportunities, culture, country, background, habits, routines, language, to pretty much everything.

I had 17 people come to farewell me at the airport.

I still remember vividly the absolute confusion of my feelings.

What was I supposed to feel?? Grieve, hurt, heartache, excitement, joy, happiness, loneliness?

It definitely hurt to let go of everything and to leave the known behind for the unknown, the certain for the uncertain, the being known for the being a stranger and foreigner.

I was excited, very excited to see my fiancé again and to finally meet her family, yet thinking about the first impression I would leave on them after more than 30hours of traveling.

I was curious, full of joy and peace, knowing that I was about to get married and to be reunited with my true love.

I was stoked!

At the same time my heart hurt, was aching real badly. I felt sad, sick in my stomach, uncertain, even a bit fearful.

I started crying as I said good-bye and fare welled my family and some close friends. I didn’t know when I would see any of them again and I knew that there were people I wouldn’t see again ever.

I remember checking in and waving to 17 crying people that were close to my heart and feeling hurt, pain and lost.

Walking to the terminal through the never-ending hallway, all on my own, alone, sad and grieving, yet excited and hopeful, joyful to be reunited with my fiancé soon.

What exactly was I doing there? Was I being mature, having faith and taking a HUGE step of faith, knowing that God would take care of me, that He would provide and not leave, nor forsake me?

Or was I just being reckless, stupid and brainless, irresponsible and blind out of love?

What motivated me to act the way I did and to take the step I took?

Was it something that happened all of a sudden, or was it something that I had prepared for all my life, deep down, maybe not even noticing how I prepared myself, was being prepared for this change?

Where is the border between maturity and recklessness?

Who is going to judge, what was the motivation, the preparation behind all of this?

Was it meant to be or was it just a decision that I made?